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Avoid Family Drama

Cindy Nelson • Nov 22, 2022

Keep Family Drama in Check with a Detailed Estate Plan

Drama belongs in the movies, not among your loved ones. Conflict and drama concerning your estate after you pass on is especially painful for all involved. Whether you believe certain family members will likely fight over your estate or believe everyone will get along and “do what’s best,” you really don’t know for sure. The best way to mitigate family drama around inheritance, guardianships, and other arrangements is to ensure you have a comprehensive and detailed estate plan in place.

Drama thrives at the intersection of ambiguity and confusion

An experienced estate planning attorney will have the expertise and knowledge to draft an explicit and detailed estate plan that leaves no room for question as to your wishes. This doesn’t mean all bad feelings will be eliminated, but it can greatly reduce any conflict that leaves enduring ill will. It’s your decision as to how you’d like to divide up your estate. Remember, no one is entitled to an inheritance.


Some people may want to leave a greater portion of their assets to less fortunate or younger family members. Unfortunately, this may leave the more financially stable heirs resentful, even bringing old buried hurts up to stir the pot further. While dividing your estate equally between these heirs may eliminate this potential conflict, it’s not always the best or right thing to do. In this case your estate lawyer will include clear and concise details of this unequal division in the estate plan. Your attorney can help you communicate this at a family meeting. Communicating your intentions fully and exactly as they are to your heirs and with complete transparency. This sets the expectations

Conflict avoidance strategies to discuss with your estate planning attorney

A comprehensive and effective estate plan includes more than just details about your money. Discuss your family dynamics frankly and openly with your estate planning attorney. This information will help her more accurately advise you about how to choose who you’ll appoint trusted decision makers upon your death or should you become incapacitated.

  • Never appoint someone to be in charge of your assets based on birth order, sex, or to avoid hurt feelings
  • Depending on family dynamics, problems can arise when an estate owner names multiple family members as joint trustees, executors, power of attorney
  • Consider appointing one trusted person to bear accountability for final decisions
  • If your family members already have difficulty getting along, consider appointing a qualified, neutral third party to handle financial and other decisions regarding your estate.
  • If you’re concerned about certain family members squandering their portion of the wealth, talk to your attorney about a discretionary trust.

Finally, communication from the beginning and often during your life will go a long way toward preparing your loved ones about what the estate plan calls for when the day comes. Remember, your life is far more than simply your assets. It’s a story filled with a lifetime of experiences, insights, and knowledge. You may want to include a letter or video recording to help your family understand the reasoning behind your decisions and how your life experiences influenced them.

An experienced estate planning lawyer will walk you through the process of creating a detailed
estate plan that eliminates confusion or ambiguity regarding your final wishes.

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